This weekend I went clothes shopping. It was a long time coming because the only thing holding up my pants for the past couple of months has been a belt. Not to mention the fact that I have saved a couple of hundred dollars specifically for clothes over the past few months. And for some reason, I haven’t used any of it.
My jeans have been a size too big for a while now. But I have been waiting to get a pair of jeans in a smaller size. Waiting for my weight loss to accelerate so I could fit into an even smaller size. Waiting to see if I would gain all the weight back.
Holding onto those pants was like holding on to a security blanket. It was like holding onto these extra pounds I just can’t get rid of. Going to buy new pants was a bit scary. I was scared that I hadn’t actually gone down a size. I was scared that buying a new pair of pants was a sign that I was giving up on losing weight. What if I lost enough weight in the next few weeks so that I didn’t even need these pants? And wearing a pair of pants that actually fit means that if I gain some of my weight back I will know it. No more denial. That alone is a scary enough thought to deter me from shopping.
Then . . . I found them. A perfect pair of jeans. Not even just one pair, but two pair of jeans that fit perfectly.
I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to wear a pair of jeans that didn’t require a belt. And another unexpected side effect of wearing the correct size . . . my self-confidence shot up by about a thousand percent. No longer did I think of myself as fat. My jeans now accentuated my curves in a very flattering way. While in the fitting room, I couldn’t stop staring at my butt.
I had no idea that wearing the correct size would make me feel so good about myself. And honestly when I look at pictures of me wearing the bigger jeans, it’s like I lost ten pounds just by wearing the right size!
I am so glad that I finally made the journey to the store. I feel better about myself than I have in months. I even considered the fact that maybe I don’t need to lose weight. Maybe my curves are the way they are supposed to be. And maybe I am the size I am supposed to be.
Now I just need to buy some new work clothes. I only have one pair of work pants that fit me. Guess it wouldn’t hurt to be as confident as work as I am at home.
Question: Have you ever held onto clothes that were either too small or too big? For what reason?