Self-Sabotage

Have you ever felt like you were sabotaging your own weight loss efforts?

I have felt great about myself over the past couple of months as the numbers on the scale have gone down more and more. And as the number of pounds that I lost crept into the double digits, I felt like my goal weight was within reach. I felt like my healthy eating and my exercise was totally paying off.

However, I have noticed over the past week or so my exercise minutes have decreased. I keep making excuses. I tell myself I need rest. I have even grown lax in the number of hours of sleep I’ve gotten. Yesterday and today have been the worst. Yesterday, I didn’t exercise again. I think I was depressed because the number on the scale had increased by 1/2 a pound. I should have been able to recover from that. Instead, I ate too many of Julie’s flourless peanut butter cookies that I baked the other day. A binge in its finest form. My husband and I made a homemade pizza on wheat crust last night and I only had 2 slices. All in all, the cookies were the only unhealthy choice (nutritionally) for the day. Ordinarily, I am fine with having sweets occasionally. But having ten cookies?? Too much. . . .

Then there was today . . . I did do some Pilates this morning, so that was a success. I had planned on doing some extra cardio, but did I? No. I had a stressful day (not worth talking about), I ended up eating too many cookies again, and I let my husband talk me into eating out so I ate a huge cheeseburger and fries.

What is wrong with me? I realize this is not the first time this has happened. There was a time when I was a few pounds lighter, but I was approaching a milestone with my weight. However, my weight wouldn’t budge. I kept getting on this binge-healthy eating-binge cycle so my weight would move up and down.

That seems to be happening now. I am ten pounds away from being at my “normal” BMI (as opposed to being on the overweight side of it) . . . of course, after the last 2 days, maybe it’s more like eleven or twelve pounds.

Is there a reason why I wouldn’t want to reach that point? Maybe subconsciously I am scared to succeed. Maybe I don’t want to be thin because of the work that will take or because of what will be expected of me (or what I think will be expected of me). Maybe I have just lost and gained so much weight over my lifetime, the extra weight is really a comfort. If I lose it, how can I be sure I won’t gain it back?

I have to overcome these psychological hurdles. If I don’t, I will never get to where I need to be. I know that the past two days won’t hurt me too much in the long run. But if I don’t figure this out, then I will never lose this weight.

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One response to “Self-Sabotage

  1. Keep truckin! You’ll get it!

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