I haven’t weighed myself since right after Christmas.
Even though I am trying to lose weight, there is a reason for my madness. When I used the scale as a measuring tool, I weighed myself constantly . . . at least 3 to 4 times a week, sometimes every single day.
Breakfast: chicken sausage link, a couple of scrambled egg whites with one scrambled egg, leftover breakfast potatoes and some ketchup
The numbers on the scale often determined my mood for the rest of the day. If the numbers went down, I was thrilled. If the numbers went up (or even if they stayed the same), I was frustrated. Sometimes this frustration would lead me to do things that further sabotaged my weight loss efforts, such as skip an exercise session or eat a little too much junk food.
Lunch: leftover Cajun pasta sauce with spinach fettuccine
The decision to stop weighing myself was both liberating and nerve-wracking. How could I listen to my body when I never have before? If I don’t weigh myself, how will I know that I am doing the right things when it comes to exercise and food? Besides determining my mood, the numbers on the scale often told me if I should start eating less or exercising more. It took me a while to realize that this is not the healthiest mindset.
It wasn’t enough to tell myself to stop using the scale. I actually gave it to Corey and told him to hide it. That may sound weird, but I can’t trust myself not to use it when I see it every single day. Corey is a lousy hider, so the first few times he hid it I happened to accidentally find it. Finally, right after the holidays and my last weigh-in, he hid it in the attic. Yes, he told me where he was hiding it but only because he knew the attic was the one place I would never, ever go. Sneaky, isn’t he? 🙂
Lately, it seems that all I think about is the scale. I wonder if I have lost weight or simply maintained. I am a person who likes results. It may take a while for me to lose enough weight so that my clothes feel differently . . . at least longer than I would like.
Dinner: chicken sausage, pasta sauce, and peppers and onions on hoagie roll. Served with Alexia sweet potato fries
I am trying really hard to exercise because it is good for me and because it makes me feel good, not because of how many calories I may burn within a twenty-minute elliptical session. I have been tracking my calories, mainly to make sure I am eating enough. And lately, I have been agonizing over every single calorie and asking myself if I should exercise more to burn more calories and lose the weight I need.
I wish I could be happy with myself the way that I am. I am trying. If I don’t see myself as beautiful now, I know that I won’t see myself as beautiful when I am 30 pounds lighter. That is another reason I stopped using the scale. I wanted to learn to like what I see in the mirror, regardless of what the scale says. It is a constant struggle. If I am patient, I will get there. But I am not a patient person.
This is an Operation Beautiful note that I wrote to myself and posted on the bathroom mirror. Something about me you should know is that I avoid mirrors if at all possible. I just don’t like looking at myself, which is a result of my negative self-esteem. I figured that if I posted this note and saw the words often enough, then maybe I would believe them.
Question: do you weigh yourself regularly? Why or why not?