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Accountability

I haven’t blogged for a while and there are a couple of reasons. My work has been extremely busy and there are certain days where I just don’t feel like blogging after a long day of counseling people. Also, I have been a bit slack in my eating habits . . . and my exercise ones as well.

I have a feeling it has to do with the fact that I am not using the scale anymore. Last time I stopped using it (a couple of years ago), I found myself slacking off with my healthy habits because I didn’t have a number to keep me in check. So now I find myself in the same cycle, despite my best efforts to the contrary. I still eat fruits and veggies when I can, but I have found myself splurging more and more in terms of eating out.

Over the past few days I have considered giving up the blog for good. I told myself it was because it took up too much of my time. But honestly, it was because I didn’t want to blog about what I have eaten over the past couple of weeks, nor did I want to confess that this week is the first time in about two  weeks that I have done consistent exercise. These past few weeks have taught me that my issues with food and weight will always be a constant struggle for me.

I have come up with an idea that will give me some accountability in the weight department. I can’t take credit for this idea though. I got the idea from Tina’s blog. She is kind of a role model. I love how self-confident she is and how far she has come in terms of her disordered ideas surrounding food. I admire her a lot.

So I will start weighing myself this weekend. However, the catch is that I will not look at the numbers at all. I will have my husband look at the scale. Every week, he can tell me whether I have lost, gained, or maintained. I think this is a great compromise. This way, I do not obsess about the actual numbers and hopefully, I will start to like my body regardless of what the numbers are. But this method will still allow me to ensure that the scale is actually going in the right direction.

I am trying to tell myself that a couple of weeks without consistent exercise and a couple of dinners out does not mean I have gained weight . . . at least not the ten pounds I have been envisioning. I have still eaten somewhat healthy most of the time. I just have a tremendous amount of guilt when it comes to food and exercise. Above all else (even weight), this is what I would like to work on the most. I know that if I don’t develop a better relationship with food, then my weight loss will most likely not be permanent. Not to mention the fact that I will still be unhappy with myself even when I reach my “happy weight.”

I am glad that I decided not to quit this blog. The blogging community has provided me with a lot of support lately and I would hate to give that up. Also, I think the fact that I post most of what I eat helps me be a healthier person. There have been lots of times where I intentionally added extra veggies to my meals because I knew I would be posting them online later. This blog is an added way to hold me accountable. I just have to realize that no one is judging me if I have an occasional hamburger and fries. I have realized that no one can possibly judge me harsher than I judge myself.

I appreciate all of the readers who follow my blog and I appreciate you sticking with me through the ramblings of this post. I plan on doing a little baking and/or cooking later this week and I can’t wait to share the results with you. I realize that I have so many cookbooks and I barely use any of them. I just like looking at all of the pictures of the food. 🙂

So how do you hold yourself accountable? Do you feel any guilt regarding food . . . or even posting pictures of food that may not be considered all that healthy?