The power of the right size

This weekend I went clothes shopping. It was a long time coming because the only thing holding up my pants for the past couple of months has been a belt. Not to mention the fact that I have saved a couple of hundred dollars specifically for clothes over the past few months. And for some reason, I haven’t used any of it.

My jeans have been a size too big for a while now. But I have been waiting to get a pair of jeans in a smaller size. Waiting for my weight loss to accelerate so I could fit into an even smaller size. Waiting to see if I would gain all the weight back.

Holding onto those pants was like holding on to a security blanket. It was like holding onto these extra pounds I just can’t get rid of. Going to buy new pants was a bit scary. I was scared that I hadn’t actually gone down a size. I was scared that buying a new pair of pants was a sign that I was giving up on losing weight. What if I lost enough weight in the next few weeks so that I didn’t even need these pants? And wearing a pair of pants that actually fit means that if I gain some of my weight back I will know it. No more denial. That alone is a scary enough thought to deter me from shopping.

Then . . . I found them. A perfect pair of jeans. Not even just one pair, but two pair of jeans that fit perfectly.

I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to wear a pair of jeans that didn’t require a belt. And another unexpected side effect of wearing the correct size . . . my self-confidence shot up by about a thousand percent. No longer did I think of myself as fat. My jeans now accentuated my curves in a very flattering way. While in the fitting room, I couldn’t stop staring at my butt. 🙂

I had no idea that wearing the correct size would make me feel so good about myself. And honestly when I look at pictures of me wearing the bigger jeans, it’s like I lost ten pounds just by wearing the right size!

I am so glad that I finally made the journey to the store. I feel better about myself than I have in months. I even considered the fact that maybe I don’t need to lose weight. Maybe my curves are the way they are supposed to be. And maybe I am the size I am supposed to be.

Now I just need to buy some new work clothes. I only have one pair of work pants that fit me. Guess it wouldn’t hurt to be as confident as work as I am at home. 🙂

Question: Have you ever held onto clothes that were either too small or too big? For what reason?

Goals for 2011

I don’t like the word “resolution” when it comes to the new year. Let’s face it, you resolve to do something and the resolution gets thrown out the window by the second week of January. There are several things I would like to accomplish in the next year. This year has been a pretty good year (I did start my blog this year, after all). But I have a feeling that next year will be even better. 🙂

1) Control sugar cravings. I am all for having things in moderation. But lately, my sweet tooth has gotten a bit out of control. I am trying to lose weight and I need to eat foods that are more nutritious. Plus, when I start to eat something sweet I have a hard time stopping. Maybe it would be nice to work on that as well. 🙂

2) Eat more veggies (and try new things). I have a hard time fitting veggies into my diet. Fruits are easier (maybe because they are sweet). I also didn’t grow up eating fresh veggies (or many veggies at all), so it can be hard to step out of my comfort zone. This year, I did try some new veggies for the first time: I tried fresh green beans, roasted asparagus, and even a rutabega! Now I just have to keep that momentum going.

roasted green beans

3) Push myself in my workouts (try new ones). I get bored easily with my workouts. That happens when you do the same workout over and over again. I need to try new workouts and more importantly than that, I need to try workouts that will challenge me. I haven’t done level 2 of 30 day shred since the first time I tried it. I think it’s because part of me doesn’t want to fail at a tougher workout. I want to push myself and really see what my body can do.

4) Travel more. My husband and I did hardly any travelling this year. There was a trip that we took to Los Angeles for my birthday in May. As fun as that was, I have been to Los Angeles about five times. I would like to go somewhere new, maybe Italy. That may be a bit optimistic, but we will see. My husband and I are determined not to use credit cards EVER, so the only way we will go on a trip is to save enough money for it. We do have a plan. I want to go to Italy very badly, but if we don’t save up enough money for that, I’m sure we will go somewhere else that is exciting. And to be honest, this may be the last year we are able to take a nice trip without having to worry about a baby. 🙂

5) Run (or walk) Peachtree Road Race (10K). Corey and I did this race in July of this year. It was our first time and I had a great time. Even though we finished, I really dragged through the race and had an awful time. I am not the fastest runner at ALL, but the reason I dragged was due to lack of training and improper nutrition. I haven’t been running much lately, but I intend to change that. I have had some issues with my knees this year, so this goal is contingent upon how my body reacts to running. I plan on downloading the Couch to 10K app to ease back into it.

at the starting line for my first (and only) 10K!

6) Do 20 real push-ups. I can’t do even one real push-up. I can barely do 20 “fake” push-ups. But I intend to build up my arm strength and change this. I want to feel empowered next year!

7) Cut back on T.V. Caitlin had an awesome post yesterday about how much TV she watches and why she wants to cut back on it. My husband and I DVR so many things and sometimes it seems that catching up on the DVR is more important than spending time with each other. There are some nights in which we need to cut off the TV and just talk to each other . . . or maybe read. I haven’t decided which. 😉 But seriously, I want to improve my relationship with my husband in the upcoming year and I think this is a great place to start.

8) Improve my photography on my blog. Believe it or not, my pictures have improved dramatically since I started the blog in August. But I want to improve upon them even further. Maybe a new camera for my birthday in May would help. 😉

9) Take cooking classes. I am not a great cook. I like it fast and I like it easy. I also lack creativity, as well as technical skill. I would love to discover new recipes and new ways to cook. Plus, it would be a great way to spend time with Corey that doesn’t involve the television.

10) Learn to like myself. Okay, maybe this one should have been first. But I guess I’m saving the best for last. 🙂 I don’t like myself. There, I said it. I realized today while my husband and I were shopping, that I don’t even like looking at myself in the mirror. I actually avoid it. I had gotten better at it, but I find that lately I use the “f” word more and more. I also negate every single compliment that my husband gives me, whether it’s about my appearance or not. Yes, I am trying to lose weight. But I have realized that if I don’t start to accept myself for who I am, then the weight will just creep back on. It happened before and it can happen again. But if I start to like myself again, then maybe once I lose weight I will actually be satisfied. Last time I reached my goal weight, I kept wanting to lose more and more. Looking back, I know that I was dependent on the number on the scale to make me happy. Once I realize that my happiness isn’t contingent on the number on the scale, then I will probably be a lot happier.

I suppose those goals will do for now. What are your goals for 2011?